Heart Forward (36)

I’ve begun taking a yoga class again. I chose the beginning class, and still the first day I felt like a big, heavy weakling. But I didn’t make myself feel bad about it. I am only glad I’ve begun, knowing I’ll get stronger, lighter. I believe that because two decades ago I did yoga for the first time at a retreat. After three days, I felt amazing. I fully inhabited my body for the first time in my life. There was energy between my toes. I haven’t touched that exact feeling since, as though all of my being reached the edges of my skin, but I know it’s possible. I do yoga at home, but I don’t push myself the way I am pushed in a class. I seem to have become better, too, at protecting my back, my hip. I am paying more attention. And when I can’t do something, or it is really hard, I am not beating myself up. These two changes alone are immense, gratifying. Add working in the yoga studio full of clean autumn light with a teacher who emphasizes the spiritual aspects of the practice—well, it becomes almost more than I can hold. I can feel it moving against my breast bone, and I remember yesterday I learned I push my ribs out too far. I need to move my heart forward. And so I will.

2 thoughts on “Heart Forward (36)

  1. Good for you! I haven’t returned to my Yoga class in two years. Attending a special class on Sat in the hope that the reconnection with my body will lure me back to my old routine.

  2. I don’t know how long it had been since I went to our yoga in the park, but I think it must have been AT LEAST a year, maybe even two.

    I wish you all good things in being “lured” back to your old routine, Madhu—a perfect word for it since the memory of how you felt, once resurrected, holds so much appeal. :)

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