My Own Milagro

This morning, in that first light of the sun when our desert mountains turn that lovely orange for three long moments, the waning gibbous moon hangs near them on its way toward setting. The air is clean, the mountain ridge crisp, each small jagged rock defined against the sky. I stop in the open sliding glass door, communing, grateful, quiet inside.

I had good sleep and woke to a kind of softening, I think. I’ve had whole days of late swimming in my own muck, impossibly impatient and crazy icky with my mother and even my auntie, unable to step outside of it. By yesterday, I managed to forgive myself. With this morning’s softening, my sadness—for my mother’s latest mental plummet, for myself, for our world—sits easier in me again. And my heart seems lighter, sweetness returned, my own milagro.

[Editor’s note: I have been committed to doing “real writing” each day in my notebook since December first. In my latest effort to return to something more robust than a haiku I have begun using my own three-word prompts again. Today’s were sun, swimming and sleep. And I owe this little piece in part to my dear friends, Marylou and Richard. I sent them a text update this morning that wended its way into today’s “real writing.”]

Celebrate Imbolc on February 1st !!!!

Hello dear readers. :)

Just a little invitation to our next Full Circle gathering at 9:30am Pacific time on Sunday, February 1st!

Here’s the link with the details:

https://www.meetup.com/desert-people-practicing-writing-and-reiki-together/events/312229556/?eventOrigin=group_upcoming_events

This will be our third celebration, and the first two were very dear. I hope you’ll join us!

May we all be kind to ourselves.

Riba

Emptied Nest (49)

I am grateful I got to see them
that one day
their two little heads
poking out of the nest
side by side
beaks to the sky
grateful the mama hummingbird
didn’t seem to worry about me
but as dear as it was
I can’t seem to separate my anguish
that mostly I missed
the whole thing
because I couldn’t be there
living by
my mango tree.

Spontaneous Combustion? (43)

“For God’s sake,” Biden says
“this man cannot remain in power.”
I don’t have all the details
(unwise, maybe, for a president)
but it makes me like him more.

Midmorning Snack (42)

This time I don’t see the insects
(gnats, maybe? no-see-ums?)
but twice
I watch
the lizard dart across the gray cement
in my corner of my mother’s back yard.
Dart and gobble.
Dart and gobble.
It makes me happy for him.
How did I live so long
among lizards
without ever seeing this?

Becoming (22)

I’ve never been good at this, but I’ve always wanted to be. So when I get the sense for the first time that she has a message for me, I try to be able to receive it. I am surprised to get words. “Dissolve and blossom,” she tells me. I know right away she means my habit of fear, the armature that’s lived inside me all my life. Days later, in an almost dream when I am curled up in bed crying, wanting to forgive myself for being unkind to my mother in the unlooked for hours of the early morning, I see chicken wire in my heart and throat. After my fall, for a moment I understand she meant more than my fear, that her message was more akin to the sense I’ve had that I am being asked to surrender completely, to let go of all resistance, maybe, or allow all my holding on to dissolve, to slip back into the earth to become good things. I know this is impossible. But more and more in small moments, quiet tears sometimes sliding down my face, I believe in it, the incremental, invisible little bits of it, one unexpected moment here or there, and then the next.

Welcome (21)

I sit, wordless, wondering what will come. Welcome, she says to me. Do not worry. All will be well. Words come, my self reassured by my self. All will be well. Don’t worry. Be happy. (Like the song says.) So simple. So true. So damn hard. I am weird and wonderful one moment, pulled into shark waters the next. But always, always find my way back again, tears drying on my face, something eased or healed inside me, blessings raining down, wetting my head.