I am grateful I got to see them that one day their two little heads poking out of the nest side by side beaks to the sky grateful the mama hummingbird didn’t seem to worry about me but as dear as it was I can’t seem to separate my anguish that mostly I missed the whole thing because I couldn’t be there living by my mango tree.
My orchid plant and tiny shoots of the cactus I brought home from Ajijic in 2009 sit beside each other on top of the toilet tank in my bathroom here in my mother’s house (together with the little green plastic dinosaur who came home with me from the hostel in the Marin Headlands) and every now and then especially after I water them I stop and really take them in rescued from my trailer home by my dear friends and somehow dear friends themselves now, too and talismans or hope or living proof my little home still awaits us all.
I trim the bushes on my little road tecoma, bougainvillea, Mexican birds of paradise so wrong this time of year but so needed to repair the butchering done to them in my absence and without my permission. Now I am ruthless, but each cut is made with love. (After, I wash them with the hose and pray for new growth.)
Now that I am giving my mother’s cat her fluids every day I look for and savor even more the mornings when her head feels sturdy underneath my hand or like yesterday when she trotted off down the hall— buoyant.